generation gap

Parallel Parenting and Our Tattoos

I would rather talk about people's politics or religion than their parenting. When I see, hear, and discuss people's theories about parenting, I have to take a large dose of chill pills. We all know that there any many roads to a destination and no one parenting method assures success. Believe me I am no expert. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Doing it well requires all of your abilities. But the differences in theory, practice, and outcomes are enormous. What manifests is the parents upbringing and values and often less about the uniqueness of their children. Because there is this little thing that needs to be accounted for----The DNA of the child! Once you recognize and understand these differences, you become focused on them, not your expectations. Sorry to digress into a much bigger topic but what I have learned that parenting, like most of life, is about others not me. When I remind myself that I am the student not the teacher--that is when I have grown as a parent, as a mentor, and as a human being.  Philanthropy

There are thousands of examples where the children mentor the parents, if the parents are open to learning. This has been dubbed by some parallel learning--where the students start teaching each other to deepen learning. And formal and informal programs which help parents and students learn together to strengthen each other. This is very prominent in new immigrant families where the kids, often very young kids, guide their parents through the maze of American life. The kids assimilate, learn the language and then teach and mentor their parents to assimilate as well. Parallel learning is part of life, if we embrace the opportunities. If we are open to being mentored from anyone anywhere, then your kids, all kids, will teach you. If only to reacquaint ourselves with joy and wonder! So the potential for parallel learning, mentoring and parenting exists all around us. As I have discussed here mentoring always benefits the mentor more than the mentee. Once you know that, your design and goals for any mentoring opportunity gets altered.

Our parents can show us a lot of things: they can show us how we are to be and what things we ought to strive for, or they can show us how not to be and what things we ought to stray from, then you may have the kind of parents that show you all the things about you that you want to get rid of and you realize those traits aren't yours at all but are merely your parents' marks that have rubbed off onto you. C. Joybell C.

What marks have influenced you and others? How about tattoos?

For the last several years I have been observing how selected tattoo removal programs are transforming the lives of former gang members. Forty years ago, my first work was as a volunteer counselor in the California Youth Authority and I have gravitated to this work with at-risk youth over my career.  Stay with me. 

I have been pushing for an increase in the capacity of tattoo removal resources as part of the pioneering work of the Gang Reduction Youth Development work in the City of LA. What I saw and learned is that the removal of tattoos which can take between 6-10 painful sessions, is part of a spirtual and emotional healing for these former gang members. Literally a removal of layers of their past that reinforces their commitment to change. These tattoo removal sessions are an external cleansing that clarifies the identity of the person inside and propels them forward. 

Tattoo removalI recently witnessed the removal of prison tattoos on the hands of a young man. I watched with protective eye wear as the nurse bearing down on the laser gun within a half of inch of one of his hands burned off the ink. He said he did not hurt, but I watched his feet curl up after each segment was completed. The nurse said we should be done in 6 more sessions. He asked, "For each hand?!!"  Yes. she calmly said. That translates to 12 sessions because they can only work on one hand at a time. So this 20 something year old told me he has got to "straighten out" his life. "I have to get a job and no one will hire me if I have these"--showing me his hands. I asked what brought about this desire to change. He smiled and said sincerely, "I have a 2 year old daughter now. And I have to do right by her."

Despite all of the stereotypical and tragic stories, here is a father who woke up and is changing himself to be a better parent. But who changed whom? His daughter started asking questions about his hands and then he started to ask questions. And questions about who we are and what are we doing can sometimes disturb the tectonic plates and the ground opens up and a new world emerges.

Not sure how this story will end, but it has a new beginning. One where the parent is more self aware of his looks and behavior. He will be a better father. She will gain his attention and time. Will he stick with it? He has 12 sessions left. I was convinced he will. Once you hear and see and experience hope, it empowers you--especially when you can see thate future in the eyes of your  2 year old.

Talking to the case workers, they told me me that taking the kids to school, the perceptions of other parents and the friends of their kids also weighed in. 

We all want the same things. To fit in. To raise good kids. To leave a legacy.

All of us have tattoos we need to remove, that hold us back. But few of us will go through the pain and inconvenience of going under life's laser.

Are we open to learn from our kids? To engage in parallel mentoring? Who do we influence and who COULD influence us? 

 Thanks for reading. John

 


The Wisdom of 10 Year Olds

Pretty much all of the honest truth telling in the world is done by children. Oliver Wendell Holmes

If you have been around young people, especially those 10 and under, you know that profound things emerge from their brains and their mouths. If you let them. If you listen. Their minds have few if any filters. They speak what they think. Political correctness be damned. They know no such rules. Their thoughts are pure and real.

I always love talking to young people, because I try and remember what it would be like to be that free and open. 

Here are two random and indeed, profound thoughts I have encountered from two 10 year olds I know:

My daughter Malia just graduated from college, with honors I might add. (fortunately for her, intelligence skips generations!) But when she was 10 she wrote this poem for her gymnastics coach Zak. While I was a bit jealous of Zak, I love this timeless expression of her youthful life that may resonate with you. Wisdom beyond her years. Not because she was bright but because she was free.

Road of Life

By   Malia Kobara   Dedicated to Zak

 

Life is like a road

It just goes on and on

The loose pebbles

They are your mistakes

They make the journey rough

The hills …

The hills are your pleasures

You must work up to them

Before taking the joyous ride down

And the turns

Those mysterious turns

They are tomorrow and you

Yes, you decide what happens that next day

And after all these years on this road of life

I hope you know…

Your path can lead you anywhere

 

The second 10 year old is Caine of Caines Arcade fame. What I love about Caine is he is still a kid! Please watch this incredible video about the impact he has made as a rising 5th grader!

Coming back from his speaking engagement in Cannes France, he wrote these rules of life on a barf bag. Rules I suggest apply to all of us.

  1. Be nice to customers.
  2. Do a business that is fun.
  3. Do not give up. (Caine circled and underlined this one three times)
  4. Start with what you have.
  5. Use recycled stuff.

Caines Barf BagInside of each us is a free 10 year old who can express his/her emotions and ideas without fearing judgment. How do we re-kindle that creative, energetic spirit, that sense of freedom?

We have to!

We have to help others unlock their possibilities.

That is why we network and mentor. To help others write their poetry, their ideas, and to help them pursue their dreams. 

The key to unlocking this potential is by listening to our hearts and the hearts of others. When we speak and hear others speak passionately and freely we have to encourage it. Not apply our expectations or the expectations of others, but to find an outlet for that expression. We have to let others become who they are.

We see this pure expression in our kids. Maybe we all should learn from the wisdom of 10 year olds. 

Thanks for reading. John

 


Avoid Career Alzheimers--Reconnect to Your Purpose

Through luck, fate and my own assertiveness, I meet incredible leaders and people who have achieved success. In these encounters they have said things that have altered my life. They have mentored me. Things I adopted as models for my own trajectory and just as often, things that frightened me. I have learned as much from those I want to emulate as from those I want to not be like. Just as in art you gravitate to the positive spaces because of the negative spaces. People's lives have become my yin and yang of life. Yin yang

Here are several of my favorite true encounters (some details were altered to protect the innocent):

  • After losing the vote to become Prime Minister of his country, he was stripped of his executive privileges, "How in the @&!# did I think I could run this country, I didn't even know what it costs to park in my building." 
  • 6 months before he was fired, this prominent Div 1 coach said to me, "I don't have time to go to practices as much as I should." 
  • After declaring bankruptcy, this owner of a chain of restaurants told me, "It had been a long time since I had eaten at one of my restaurants." 
  • A colleague of mine worked for a hyper wealthy family and was seeking permission to spend $100,000. She was told, "Why are we wasting time on this? I made this much money in the time we have been talking."

"Success" can breed an over confidence that can ironically lead to an utter disconnection from the very work and people that generated the success. That form of arrogance almost always leads to disaster.

Every week I meet executives and managers who have early onset of what I call Career Alzheimers. These are people who are getting tired (not necessarily old!) of their work. Yes, we all want less hassle, fewer people issues, and more theoretical work. Here's the rub. Once you lose connection with the customer (not the data), the staff (not the metrics), the community (not the view from your office), you have lost your way. You have Career Alzheimers!

Here's my mythical wikipedia post for Career Alzheimers:

Career Alzheimers (CA) is a common form of professional dementia. It worsens as it progresses, and eventually leads to career termination. Although Career Alzheimers develops differently for every individual, there are many common symptoms. Early symptoms are often mistakenly thought to be 'age-related'. In the early stages, the most common symptom is difficulty in remembering what they love about their job. When CA is suspected, the diagnosis is usually confirmed with telltale statements that rely too heavily on abstract concepts, theories, and metrics demonstrating a growing disconnection from real things and people. Some show confusion, irritability, mood swings, trouble with language, especially concerning their passion for their work. As the sufferer declines they often withdraw further and further from the day to day work, from colleagues and from the society. Gradually, these conditions worsen often leading to end of career. Since the disease is different for each individual, predicting how it will affect the person is difficult. CA develops for an unknown and variable amount of time before becoming fully apparent, and it can progress undiagnosed for years. The cause and progression of CA are not well understood. My unscientific research indicates that the disease is associated with the increasing depersonalization of the success metrics of work. Fortunately, CA is curable. Self awareness is the first step and then to seek mentoring help to confirm the disorder and treatment. Treatment is simple—take steps to humanize your work. Get out of your office. Get tactile, visceral, palpable stories about the solutions you are providing, unmet need, nuances and challenges of the execution of the work your department/team/company does. Regular doses of the humanity of your work will immediately combat CA and can keep it from reoccurring. 

I love that Warren Buffett drives his own car and talks to his shareholders and people in general. He may be elderly but he is still grounded to the basics of what makes him a success. He will never have CA!

Carve out more time to meet with the beneficiaries of your work. Make scheduled and unscheduled visits to partners, customers, offices, and even competitors. It will shift your perspective every single time. It will energize you! It will trigger a small and sometimes large reminder of the purpose of your work that too often gets boiled down to a "bottomline" that has sucked all of the humanity out of our existence. Yes, we need to measure things, but we also have to remember the measure of our purpose. 

Self diagnose. Ask people you trust. Early signs? Late stages? Re-engage or retire--and find something new to reinvigorate you. Never too late. You hold the cure. 

Thanks for reading. John 


Develop Yourself by Exposing Your Film

Heard advice for 3rd graders and new retirees from two different leaders. Funny thing it was almost identical advice. 

What do 8year olds and senior citizens have in common? A lot. They both are at important junctures in their lives. 

At least that is what Robin Petgrave and Robert Emmons told me and others this week. Robin gives his time and talent to a non-profit called Tomorrow's Aeronautical Museum in Compton. And Robert is "retired" and has become a spokesperson to encourage senior citizens to make the most of their encore years. 

Robin said, "Kids are like good film, they just need exposure and beautiful things develop." Then he turned to a bunch of school children and said, "Don't think about a job, stay curious and think about stuff you love to do. And I guarantee you can find a way to be paid for doing it. I did."   Camera and film

Robin is a trained helicopter pilot and today he teaches elementary school children how to fly. Yes, fly planes . Some of them as young as 6 years old! He teaches these kids discipline, the science of flying and the history of aviation along the way. He is an incredible example of a person who is using his skills and talents to do good. His passion and his compassion are contagious. But most of all he now runs a very successful program that is literally and figuratively helping at-risk kids reach for the stars. 

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm.  Aldous Huxley

Robert is an accomplished businessman and consultant. He has become a published poet and successful sculptor. He has written a number of books in his "retirement", to help others make the most of their retirements. 

He said, "Now is the time (retirement) for what you really care about. Remain curious. Great accomplishments are the product of great passion. If you do not have a passion, find one. Reinvent yourself. Align yourself with something you care about, something that stirs the passions within, something that will embolden and enhance your senior years. Make a mind shift that focuses on the possibilities for a better life." 

The only way to develop your life is through exposure. Exposure to ideas, causes, and concepts that inspire. Exposure to the people who shift your perspective and make you think. 

You will have many new starts in your life. Many new chapters. All of these are chances to re-imagine your path and reinvent yourself.

No matter what age you are. No matter what stage of your life. The advice is aways the same: Stay curious and pursue your passions. Philanthropy

Retirees are like older film that need new exposure to develop a new life.

It never ends. The answers are never easy. It has nothing to do with luck. You have to pursue who you truly are. So the journey is a self discovery of who you are, what you love doing, what defines you, what your talents and strengths are. External stimuli trigger these discoveries. People stimulate the triggers. True living only comes when one takes chances on oneself to become their best authentic self. It would be much easier to live a life that "happens". You take what comes to you. A life of passion and fulfillment is the opposite, you chase it. You hunt it down. You stalk your passion and purpose. 

So many people think that their dreams will emerge magically through their computer. By sitting at their desk and  fool themselves into thinking that they are trying hard. Life will not come to you, you have to go out and grab it.

 The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it keep looking. Don't settle. Steve Jobs

Meeting people like Robin and Robert remind me that I must continue on the infinite path of finding the ways I can contribute, help others, and engage my gifts. That my age and stage are just different versions of the same question: What am I going to do with my life? I must remain curious and open to new things if I want to reinvent myself. While passion will define what I do and who I am. I must seek it and always engage the people around me to help me find it.

Quit worrying about the age or quality of your film. Expose it to the things that matter and amazing things will develop.

Thanks for reading. John

Start-Ups and Your Collective Intelligence

.All human beings are entrepreneurs. When we were in the caves, we were all self-employed---finding our food, feeding ourselves. That’s where human history began. We have forgotten that we are entrepreneurs. Muhammad Yunus, Nobel Prize winner and founder of Grameen Bank

There is an obsession with start-ups. Something very exciting about developing a new thing from scratch. I have had the pleasure and pressure of working for founders—the people who were possessed by an idea. I learned a way of thinking, call it entrepreneurship. I learned that being truly creative and inventive requires an iterative process of trial and error. It requires a passion of purpose. And a critical eye and mind for the elements of success. We all have the capability of an entrepreneur and crave the energy and urgency that comes from a new venture, but only some of us pursue it as a way of living. Vfa

That’s why I agreed to join the initial faculty of VentureforAmerica (VFA). This is its own networking story—VFA’s founder, Andrew Yang, is a good friend of a former Coro Fellow I mentored and Eddie Shiomi, VP of Programs, an undergraduate student I mentored at UCLA. VFA is a brand new non-profit that recruits top new college grads and immerses them in a “start-up” mentality and then places them in new ventures for 2 years to apprentice under veteran entrepreneurs. Its mission is to revitalize America through entrepreneurship---that’s all! J How cool is this?!

So I parachuted into VFA’s start-up boot camp that is 4 weeks of an intense hybrid curriculum of “start-up weekends”, hackfests, and MBA-like case studies. I injected my ideas about career development and networking and performed some team coaching of these 40 wannabe entrepreneurs—VFA Fellows. I witnessed the birth of their start-up mindsets. New parts of their grey matter were being exercised. You could see the learning in their eyes! Unlike many internships or graduate programs, VFA is engaging their entrepreneurial brains and installing a new way of thinking through learning by doing. These Fellows will never see the world the same again.

My entrepreneurial juices were rejuvenated by this boot camp and the bright minds of the VFA Fellows.

On the plane ride back to LA, I finished Reid (Mr., Start-up and Linked-In founder) Hoffman’s book, The Start-UP of You. It is a wonderful inspiring book that frames the issues of career development in new and digestible ways.

For many of us, the most important start-up is the Start-Up of You! Retooling the old self for the new world. Getting new motivation and energy to do some much needed self-re-invention. If you were a company or a concept, how would you evaluate your marketability, your competition, your packaging? This book pushes you to change and adapt and provides some good steps and exercises to get you going. .

Hoffman re-defines and re-positions Networking as the critical element to your start-up. Old networking used to be vertical along the hierarchical lines of the employer. No longer. You need to nurture a horizontal network across companies, sectors, and geography.

“The fastest way to change yourself is to hang out with people who are already the way you want to be.” Is your network aspirational? Or is it holding you back?

 “An individual’s power is raised exponentially with the help of the network (team).”Hoffman asserts a concept of Network Intelligence. That your network is teeming with information and ideas that are being exchanged that you can and should access. And there are other networks that are connected to your network and new networks that have valuable information, ideas, and guidance about your life questions and goals.

In the Global Brain: The Evolution of the Mass Mind, Howard Bloom goes into excruciating detail and scientific evidence to convince his readers that the whole world down to the sub-atomic and microscopic levels is interconnected into a Global Brain. --A network of collective intelligence that influences and informs everything.

Hoffman’s point is we are missing out on the intelligence of our networks and the intelligence of networks we encounter and discover. Networks which are only 2 degrees of separation from us! The people who know the people we know.

You dabble in and rely upon networks of strangers intelligence all of the time. We count on reviews of products or restaurants made by strangers. We read Wikipedia or surf the net with Firefox—open source worlds nurtured by strangers. Imagine if we tapped into the collective intelligence of people we know and the people they know. This is the essence of networking in the 21st century.

Then Hoffman moves into Build Genuine Relationships. I know no one tries to build disingenuous relationships but we do! I love this chapter because it is what I have been preaching for 2 decades. :)

Relationship builders:

  • Help others first. I say, Give without expectation. They don’t keep score. They think about their relationships all of the time not when they need them
  • Don’t focus on quantity of “friends” but prioritize the quality of relationships. Relationships that advance aspirations through a “diverse team of allies and advisors with whom you grow over time.”
  • Focus on getting to know people in their existing network. As I say, It is amazing who you know, who you don’t know. They connect to new people through their network. They avoid cold calling and prefer to be introduced.

“Genuine” relationship requires great empathy and active listening. You have to turn off the most powerful radio station in the world. WII-FM—What’s In It For Me.

Networking intelligence, collective intelligence and accessing the Global Brain are essential to your start-up and a greater community of sharing and learning from one another. Enroll in your own boot camp. Take on the most important start-up----YOU. After all, you are an entrepreneur, now start acting like one.

Thanks for reading. John

 

 


What We Can Learn From College Students

The allure of college still beckons. For almost everybody, going to college was the best of times. Every Fall we think of the good ole days of alma mater and some of us are yearning to returning to the learning. Our memories have smoothed over all of the anxiety, stress, financial and academic challenges and replaced them with nostalgia. :) But it is my experience that while many people think they have moved far from the days of the ivy covered halls, most still struggle with some of the same fundamental questions of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Questions like: What is the meaning of life?; What is my "major"?; and What do I want to be when I grow up?Animal house

I have three recommendations that come from college students. Recommendations that will hopefully reinvigorate your free thinking collegiate ambitions and your youthful ideals when the possibilities seemed limitless.

1. Write Your College Essay Over Again--Helping my son and his friends finish their college apps and their essays. Writing these essays are harder than calculus. If you use it to grow and discover oneself, it can be a painful and seminal experience. The essays either tell nothing about the applicant or reveal something special. The "prompts"/questions remain relatively unchanged. Here are the ones my son is addressing:

a. Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

b. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

1000 words for both. Try it. It is still very tough and if done well, very insightful. Nothing like writing down your thoughts, especially if you know someone will read it to decide your fate!What is your concise and compelling story? I meet "professionals" everday who don't have one! Your story matters and you need to craft it in writing to tell it!

2. One of the Worst Mistakes By New College Grad Job Seekers---A few months ago a survey of graduating seniors revealed what they regretted after confronting the challenges of this brutal job market. After all, they are just 21 or 22 years old, so of course they are under-prepared for the career/job search. There is a triad of culprits to blame. First, the parents are pushing their kids to pursue WHAT THEY THINK are "good careers" and have not let their kids develop their own paths. Second, undergrad colleges are woefully bad at career prep, it's embarrassing how new alumni are not "polished and finished" before they graduate. Lastly, the students themselves, take little initiative to get experiences, internships, develop a network, and start to define their own career trajectories while they are in school. So plenty of blame to go around.

Should have networked. The survey revealed this was one of the most regretted mistakes. "Students who spend their time trolling job boards should instead spend that time making solid connections with people who are respected and involved in the workforce, industry experts and alumni, and spend only 30% of their time looking at job listings." More than 70% of jobs are discovered through networking, so why don't students and all job seekers employ a networking strategy? Network as a life strategy, not just to find jobs.

3. Treat Every Job and Opportunity as a College Degree Program---Think about your career in four year chunks, just like your undergrad program (okay maybe 5 years;) The point is approach your work like college. Re-enroll every year. Think about what general ed and major requirements you have to complete. What professors will you take? What goals will you set? What weaknesses will you strengthen? What talents will you further? And maybe as important, what electives will you take?

Life goes fast and it blurs and runs together. College stands out as a distinct chapter in our lives. While we are grateful that we are not 21 today, we can use the regimen of college to focus our future chapters and to make them worthwhile and memorable. Otherwise jobs and time marches on and our present life continues to pale in comparison to our college days.

Re-live your college experience by renewing your urgency about the value of your time and the need to complete your next "degree". It is never too late to start.

College students today are smarter and more worldly than we were. They can teach us many things. Most important, how to be young and daring. How to reinvent ourselves. Yes there are many generational differences. But we are older and wiser, aren't we?

Thanks for reading. John


Repairing and avoiding burned bridges

What goes around comes around and sometimes it is a quick trip. 

That's what I was told by a wiser person early in my career. In other words, you meet the same people on the way up as you do on the way down. Burning bridges is plain stupid. The world is a small place and your reputation and network are precious. There is this fallacy that you can just plow ahead and push forward because you never go back that way again. And it doesn't matter because the people you've encountered in these developmental, experimental, or early stages of life will not be relevant to your world later. Kinda like your 2nd grade teacher, right?------wrong again. Burning bridges

There's just a very simple practical matter when you burn a bridge you don't have a reference, you have destroyed part of your history, and you have lost a part of your life.

Of course if you are in a toxic environment, work for a felonious employer or witness crimes against humanity, then you leave and you are not sensitive to the state and well-being of the relationship. You may leave in a manner that was not of your choosing or certainly in a way that does not reflect your best side. You have a solid rationale, righteousness, and an explainable reason for your unceremonious and possibly uncivil departure. Some bridges have to be burned.

Most burnt bridges don't involve dramatic fires and lawyers. Usually bridges get burned very slowly--slow enough to see and smell. Embers that smolder and eventually flame up and destroy whatever positive structures were there.

But when you have decided to leave of your own volition, get a better job, or just want out, you have to be professional. Some people don't get this. They think if they give their 2 weeks notice, never consult with their employer, and go on their merry way that the world remains intact and bridges are preserved. Nothing could be further from the truth. Bridges are not edifices on a one-way street that you take for granted and see in your rear view mirror. Bridges are often returned to for references and referrals. They are places and people that you visit to remind you of your progress and solidify your past. They are parts of the mosaic of your reputation and experience.

I was asked recently what you do when you have burned a bridge. The only thing you can do is to repair it, to go back to the scene of the fire and confront the same issues you faced originally.  Its best to repair the potholes in your road before they cause accidents. But what do you do? What can you do? You have to make the call. You have to make the connection you have to go face to face, listen and learn. You have to eat a big hunk of humble pie and apologize for the way YOU handled it. Hopefully there will be some reciprocity here if it is warranted. But if you can repair the burnt bridge so that it is at least neutral, then you have taken the higher road and restored a part of your history, part of you.BridgeConstruction

I have learned that professionalism and dignity are always the right choices. Not well known that I have been hired and fired. I have been laid off and paid off.  In every case it was evident that things were not working. I had a couple of choices. Get ahead of it or wait for the inevitable. I have found that anticipation is more virtuous than being right. Unless you are the boss/owner, then your perspective is secondary by definition. A lack of anticipation, attention and common sense can fossilize a bad relationship/job. Why not get off the burning bridge first. I once told my employer that I thought the relationship was not working and that we should plan my exit. He was stunned and grateful for the honesty. We made amicable plans and he is still a great reference for me! (Even tried to hire me back!)

I mentored this woman who works for a friend of mine. I generously gave her candid advice over years to focus her pursuit of higher responsibility and confidence. She ended up getting her Masters degree paid for by my friend's company. She progressed and she advanced and I took a tiny bit of pride in her growth. I never expected gratitude or anything. When she quit her job and did not give sufficient notice or even talk to my friend or me before she resigned, I was disappointed. I told her she burnt a bridge. She was shocked and also incredibly defensive. She said she had every right to move on and to advance her career. That was not the point. This was not about blind loyalty, this is about the process of engaging your supporters in your advancement. Your supporters are like micro investors who expect you to move up and out, but like to be informed. They don't want to be surprised. My friend was not only surprised but hurt. That bridge is a pile of ashes now. She still thinks its there, but later she may discover its gone when she needs it.

Bottom-line is if you have burnt bridges and regretted relationships you should reach out and fix them. They will never fade away and in fact they can haunt you. They hurt your brand. They might sabotage your future, but most important they diminish you. They reduce your sense of who you are.

The road you have travelled is a reflection of you and your relationships. Bridges and roads need to be maintained and repaired to remain strong and viable. It is never too late to go back to repair, but it it is simpler to avoid damaging any part of your path because you may tread there again.

Thanks for reading. John


Multi-generational Networking and Mentoring

If we are honest with ourselves we all harbor prejudices about others who are different from ourselves.Stereotypes persist because they contain a grain of truth. However, we learn that stereotypes confine a group to a convenient little box. Stereotypes ultimately hold back a group, especially if they are not in control.Once we discover for ourselves the truth by meeting and getting to know people, we find out how limiting and pernicious stereotypes can be.

One of the most misunderstood prejudices is between the generations. Always been the case, but today it is amplified by life expectancy the profound differences in the accelerated changes, experiences, and historical events that have shaped each group's point of view. Like all discussions of differences, there is a fine line between education/awareness and reinforcing stereotypes. That being said, thinking about and understanding these differences is a part of appreciating commonalities. Generational

Take this Generation IQ test to see how you fare. And then check out the chart below to remind you about  the basic differences among the generations.

Boomers and the Millennials may have the biggest generation gap. Not just in years, but in world views. One irony is the former formed the latter's mindset. This is highlighted in the workplace. Boomer bosses can't understand the work ethic or what they perceive the lack of one. And Millennials are peeved by the attempts to make them fit into the old set of rules that have not proven to make the world any better. Like all divergent points of view, both are correct. Nothing gets done unless there are bridges of mutual benefit and understanding are built.

This is where networking and mentoring come to the rescue. Everybody wants to be listened to and to be understood. Spending the time to get to know one another will enable you to find out that you want the same basic things. Some of the issues are pretty insignificant. Some flex in the rules and hours. Making the impact of the work more palpable, more meaningful, and more understood. And giving the youth guidance on the path to their goals. I have found these steps help. Bottom line: listen and find the common grounds before making any statments or pronouncements. 

Traditionalists

Civics

born 1920-1944

Baby Boomers

born 1945-1964

Generation X

born 1965-1976

Millennials

Gen Y

Born 1977-1994

Context

Great Depression, WWII

“Sixties”,Vietnam Advent of TV, Civil Rights

Iran Hostages, Divorce, Latch-keys, Microwave Ovens

Computers, Internet, Helicopter parents, 9/11

Population

30 million

36 million

50 million

77 million

Work Style

By the book - "how" is as important as "what" gets done

Get it done - whatever it takes - nights and weekends

Find the fastest route to results; protocol secondary

Work to deadlines - not necessarily to schedules

Authority/
Leadership

Command/control; rarely question authority

Respect for power and accomplishment

Rules are flexible; collaboration is important

Value autonomy; less inclined to pursue formal leadership positions

Communication

Formal and through proper channels

Somewhat formal and through structured network

Casual and direct; sometimes skeptical

Casual and direct; eager to please

Recognition/
Reward

Personal acknowledgement and compensation for work well done

Public acknowledgement and career advancement

A balance of fair compensation and ample time off as reward

Individual and public praise (exposure); opportunity for broadening skills

Work/Family

Work and family should be kept separate

Work comes first

Value work/life balance

Value blending personal life into work

Loyalty

To the organization

To the importance and meaning of work

To individual career goals

To the people involved with the project

Technology

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it"

Necessary for progress

Practical tools for getting things done

What else

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However, mentoring offers the most powerful tool to span the ravine between the boomers and the millennials. Millennials want to learn and grow and they want to define success. Boomers need new ideas, technology and energy. On the surface this is a marriage made in heaven.

"Mentoring young employees is a tested way to transfer knowledge, and there are mutual benefits. "There's a lot to be said for reverse mentoring," says Piktialis. "Younger workers can learn about the organization and social networking from older employees, but experienced workers can also gain so much in terms of new technology and proficiency." Use your younger employees for sharing and training on the latest software and hardware; they will feel valued for their skills, and your older employees will benefit by staying current. says Diane Piktialis, research working group leader of the Conference Board.

I learned this the hard way when I led my first start-up. I realized my limitations in the new tech world and I swallowed my pride and engaged younger mentors to help me understand and lead with the best information. In exchange, I showed them all of my bag of tricks and gave them more opportunities. Later I turned this into a more intentional process to make sure we captured this two-way mentoring process to benefit the organization's mission. In the end mutual goals were achieved and both the mentee and the mentor were better off.

Consider a skill based mentoring program where mentor and mentee are matched on interests, not seniority or position in the organization. Here's an excerpt from a program touted by the University of Texas:

Consider creating a mentoring program based on your workers’ skills and not based on their function or seniority in the organization. This new and different approach gives any employee from any generation a way to transfer or receive a new skill. For example, an employee might want to learn how to “tweet,” another employee may want to learn how to coach. Whoever possesses that skill within the organization, on any level, can share that information with their co-workers. This model allows all generations to learn together in a way that doesn’t threaten anyone’s position, because it centers on learning different skills from a variety of co-workers.

While technology is the easiest focus for some boomers, look deeper for other connecting points. And for the millennials, leadership and management may be the obvious topic. If you take a complete interest inventory, you will discover other opportunities to enhance the skill and knowledge needs in your organization.

Being a leader today requires you to engage tools and processes to optimize the talents and potential in the people you manage or work with. It requires you to create new partnerships, alliances, and mentorships to be successful.

No one wants to be accused of discrimination or prejudice--although it exists. Understanding these generational differences makes us better employees, managers, marketers, parents, and customer servers. Advancing mutually beneficial ideas that connect parties of different generations may be a productive first step across the generational canyon. Connecting and listening always help. Skill based mentoring may be a tangible way to make more progress between the cubicles and offices and beyond.

Thanks for reading. John